Post #55: Trump: "We don't need no stinkin' doctors."

This is what we've come down to as a country. The makers of Lysol have felt the need to issue a statement telling people to please don't drink their fine product on account of Trump suggesting at a news conference last night that taking or mainlining disinfectant might be a cure for the virus (of course, it would also be a cure for living, and that *would* kill the virus).

Among other things, he also thinks that shining an ultra violet light on the body might work. He then suggested that shining an ultra-violet light inside the body might work, too. Will GE feel the need now to send out an announcement, warning people against attempting to swallow their lightbulbs whole? Then there are the lamp-makers: "It has come to our attention that some people have taken apart their fixtures and are attempting to injest the cords that are attached to the lightbulbs. Please insure that the cord is not plugged into the wall while attempting to do this."

The scary thing is that you know for one MAGA-wearing idiot out there, that notice will have come too late. And if Robert Mercer and the Koch Brothers have their way, next week they're going to fund rallies where people carry signs that say, "Give Me Liberty and Give Me Lysol!" "God Invented Rubbing Alcohol so we can do what we want with it."

"Mr. President, you light up our lives."

Tomorrow, or maybe tonight, we'll watch Mike Pence stand before the microphone and say, "As part of the President's continuing efforts to find new and effective ways of combating the invisible enemy, he has directed us to begin tests to see how an ultra violet can be ingested safely. This is just another example of the President's great leadership in fighting this scourge. The president instructed us yesterday to pull out all the stops when it comes to finding a cure, and we hope all Americans will feel as inspired and fortunate as we do, knowing that our President is in office at this time of crisis and will remember his confidence and strength at this time when they cast their ballots in November. Mr. President?"

Trump: "Look, people, very smart people, have said to me that swallowing a light bulb might help. It's a very small bulb, how could it hurt? My steaks are like rocks, the way the White House chef cooks them, you know what I mean? I got these chefs from Obama. They had the worst cooks around here. That's why I love to go to Mar-a-Lago, we have incredible cooks. They know how to make the best hamburgers and fries, just the right amount of crispy on the outside. Obama, what does he know about fries, fried chicken and mashed potatoes, maybe, but fries. Our hotels all have the best chefs. Jared, over there, will take reservations if you ask him. Only kidding, he's doing a great job. And I got him that job, gave it to him after Ivanka begged me. Look at her, doesn't she have a great ass? I bet she can swallow a large bulb, if you know what I mean.

Mike Pence: "Uh, Mr. President..."

Trump: Oh, oh, I've upset the bible thumper. You know, Mike has taught me a lot. Every day I pray for the poor people who have died. Those people love me. I visited with one yesterday. Actually, they brought her to the White House, and we kept our distance, don't worry. I listen to you Dr. Fauci. Nobody know more about medicine than you, except me maybe. Everybody is so amazed I know so much. Do you know about Yellow Fever? Everybody thinks that's the Chinese virus, you know what I mean, but it isn't. It was bad, real bad, but nobody knows that. I do. So they bring this girl into me, and she says, "My mother died, my father died, my brother all my aunts and uncles have died, and we're losing our apartment, and now I may have it...." [Trump makes a visual joke, pretending to run off the stage. Pence throws back his head and laughs]...."But we still love you. I may be the only person left in my family, but I'm so happy you got elected over that Hillary. Nobody thought you would get 306 electoral votes, but you did."

She really said that. She loves me. Everybody does. You, from CNN, if you weren't so hostile, I'd let you love me, but I guess you're here to ask questions, go ahead, just be nice, ok? We don't need mean questions, especially from a woman. It's just so unladylike. Maybe you should talk to our great first lady about manners. Nobody knows more about manners than she does. It's called DEF-erence, with a D but you or your people wouldn't know about it, so what's your question.......

Meanwhile, Dr. Birx is sitting off to the side blinking away. Actually, that's what she was doing last night. By some good fortune, a CNN producer directed his cameras to close in on her face as he was suggesting his latest ideas. Click here and see for yourself, is it disgust or is she about to puke, or is she wondering where the nearest hole is that she can climb into.

She has to know that this is all a part of Trump's war on science and medicine, two communities of which she is allegedly a member. By suggesting hydroxychloroquine because Tucker Carlson told him about it is his way of thumbing his nose at science and doctors. He feels his instinct is sharper than their knowledge, and if they're unwilling to budge, people should take it anyway, it can't hurt. Of course, people died taking it but you won't hear him acknowledge it, he's just on to another cure that the Foxys have told him about. Fuck those scientists, we know better, right? That (and not the Hokey Pokey) is what it's all about.

All he has to do is convince people not that he's right about the drugs, but that he *could* have been right, because if he could have been, that's another strike against the eggheads, the liberals, the people who go to fancy pants schools, all of whom deserve nothing but resentment from his people. If the core is suffering from the virus, it's not his fault, it's not the core's fault, it's the fault of the elite doctors, the bureaucrats, and, probably, the Jews, who aren't letting people have their freedom.

So, no wonder Birx was sitting there, looking traumatized. While she pursed her lips and tried to appear outwardly calm, her constant blinking gave away the tension she was feeling inside. My guess this is what she was really thinking:






But listen if Trump wants to suggest his own cures, I've got my own surefire way to end the scourge of the virus: Vote Trump out in November. Try it, it can't hurt, right?

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