Post #2 — Life adrift

Little things get to me. We finished the raspberries today, which means no more until our plants start producing in two months or so. Then we'll start competing with the squirrels for food. We might not have the federal government on our side to battle coronavirus, but when it comes to low growing fruit we have Flossie, the Golden Retriever, sworn enemy of all squirrels everywhere. Watch out, Rocky. Flossie is gunning for you.

But a bit of civilization went with raspberries that we can't replace. It was the same when I saw the container of strawberries was empty. I wondered if I'd ever have another.

On Meet the Press, Chuck Todd opened the program with an obit for Larry Edgeworth, a sound technician at MSNBC. From the photos, he looked like a nice guy. He was 61, four years younger than me. A friend's cardiologist told him it wasn't our coronary disease that leaves us vulnerable, it's our age. I didn't sleep after reading that email.

Sue and I squabbled today. It wasn't the first time. They're all the same arguments, over nothing. Just the two of us taking our fear out on each other. It didn't help any that when the UPS delivery came, I touched the inside of the box, then ate a slice of bread with peanut butter. I forgot to wash my hands first. That simple act of negligence could doom me and us.

Donald Trump was on TV, resembling Harold Hill, the shady salesman from "The Music Man," only instead of musical instruments Trump was peddling drugs: Cloroquin, a drug normally used to combat Malaria. Trump clearly read an article about possible drug therapies in the Times. Cloroquin was mentioned, and you know he circled the word, thinking he had his positive speech for opening the program up on Thursday. "The American people need hope," he told Peter Alexander. He's right about that but not false hope. False hope can kill. Trump thinks it lets him off the hook, so he doesn't have to spend federal money on things he thinks the states should buy themselves. In an article in today's Times it was suggested that Trump and his cronies are using the pandemic to spread their version of conservatism. I think it appeals to Trump because he's not so much an ideologue as he  is cheap. He hates spending money on anything that doesn't glorify  himself. How much you want to bet if he could get "Make America Great" on those masks, 20 million would already have been distributed.

Fauci could be seen with his hand rubbing his forehead and laughing as Trump continued to peddle his quackery. Fauci's reputation, which Trump clearly resents, protects him somewhat from Trump's raging. I thought the Food and Drug Commissioner Stephen Hahn, on Thursday showed real courage, by slyly and subtly telling White House reporters that Trump was full of shit.

My friend Lee noticed my growing despair in an email. Lee, who was a well-known radical back in the '60s and at 80+ now, is still a believer in the benefits of pharmaceuticals, so he wrote with his own suggestions from Florida, where he walks and does his daily tai-chi and hopes he doesn't get it.

"... you sound really down. Anything I can do? Perhaps it's time to reconsider liquor and or weed? Or maybe better, ask you doc for anti-anxiety med like Clonazepam (klonopin) - much faster impact than any anti-depressant. Easier still, watch Monique Marvez (Not skinny, Not blonde) on Netflix  - she's very funny and very honest.  Also, I've stopped watching that maniac on any screen; getting the news reports of what he said/did is bad enough.  I suggest you try to do that too. Why willingly submit to 30+ minutes of that?"

Why do moths fly into lights?

I always thought if I had a warning in advance of my own death, I'd go out in a Keith Richards-like heroin haze. That sounds pretty good about now.