Post # 15 The Dark Side

It''s late at night, when I typically go into the dark place. I'm not proud of it, but it is what is.

Today was not a great day. All three of us had scratchy sore throats and headaches. Most likely, we are suffering from seasonal allergies but any symptom is terrifying. For the first time, I chose not to watch Trump on TV. I know my limit, and I needed a break.I see the numbers and I just get so sad. Even watching Nicolle Wallace causes me to shake.  Tomorrow I'll call the doctor and get a prescription for medication to calm my nerves. We all have our limits. I'm approaching mine.  I don't want to turn the lights off and go to sleep.

Today, I looked out the front door and saw Sue emptying a box after carefully cleaning the outside of it with Lysol and a paper towel The doctors and experts say, as long as she doesn't touch her face, she is not taking a risk. Still, I watch her do it and see it for the enormous act of love it is and my heart breaks.

The CNN Reliable Sources newsletter arrived a few minutes ago. Brian Stelter reports from his basement that New York City's ICU's are overwhelmed, and the scenes are like something out of Verdun during World War I. Yet because of hospital rules, Americans can't see what the deaths are like, and Covid 19 remains for many people just an abstract concept. Someone needs to sneak a camera inside. If those who blithely claim that seniors need to die or that the whole thing is a media/Democrat hoax, can see the suffering for themselves, maybe they will finally turn on Trump, leaving him alone and irrelevant, locked in his White House room, insane with paranoia, afraid to emerge out of fear of being attacked by anyone who crosses his path. 

Here's the thing about the human spirit though. I will go to sleep and I'll wake up next to Sue. The sun will come up and I'll get to work. We'll take a walk and maybe I'll feel a little better and I'll remember that so far we're the lucky ones, because we are. We have each other. Lizzie will be fine. We're in a safe place.

Life is precious and I'm going to hold on to it as tightly as I can.

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